Adar and the Future of Happiness

It's that time of the year:

משנכנס אדר מרבין בשמחה

When the month of Adar arrives, we should increase our happiness [joy] (Talmud, Taanis 29a).

So this month, we look at some aspects of happiness in our quest to increase it.

We learn so many things when we read -- more than the contents of a book. As Anna Quindlen said, "In books I have traveled, not only to other worlds, but into my own.” In reading about the future of happiness, I took some side trips into copyright law, positive psychology, genetic engineering and technology.  

First, an interesting note on copyright law. Book titles cannot be copyrighted. Series titles can have a trademark, but book titles cannot. Personally, I would try for a unique title so that my book would not be confused with anyone else's. But it is entirely possible for different people to think up the same title, though they be separated by borders, language or culture. I know of one case where the book first appeared as a weekly serial in Mishpacha Magazine -- Gila Arnold's Learning Curve. When the time came to publish, another book had already been released with the title. The publisher changed the title slightly of Gila's to It's a Learning Curve (Menucha 2018), so that people could differentiate between the two.

The first time "The Future of Happiness" appears is in an essay by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (bonus points for pronunciation) that first appeared in the collection The Next Fifty Years: Science in the First Half of the Twenty-first Century (Phoenix, 2003). Csikszentmihalyi is a Hungarian American psychologist best known for his book Flow (Harper and Row, 1990), where he explains his theory: people are happiest when they are in a state of flow—a state of concentration or complete absorption with the activity at hand and the situation. It is a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter. 

In this article, he talks about controlling the genetic makeup of human beings, and what traits and characteristics they could want included in their children's genetic makeup. Csikszentmihalyi asserts that "it is most likely that the most intense selective pressure will be for producing happy children...they understand that while every other good is a means to an end, happiness is THE good in itself: it is what we hope to achieve through education, money, beauty, and intelligence." Csikszentmihalyi did a study and among the things he learned was that "people who are engaged in challenging activities with clear goals tend to be happier than those who lead relaxing, pleasurable lives. The less one works just for oneself, the larger the scope of one's relationships and commitments, the happier a person is likely to be." He discusses how the individual's measure of his own happiness is a valid assessment, and how although happiness can be subjective, there are definitely objective standards or definitions. Will scientists use genetic engineering to "program" people to be happy? The question is still being debated. 

Amy Blankson's 2017 book also outlines The Future of Happiness (BenBella Books). Many people are concerned that we are so technology dependent, or addicted, based on your perspective. How can you utilize technology without letting it take over every aspect of your life. "By keeping happiness, meaning, and joy as the true North, Blankson provides a much clearer calculus for which technology to use, where to use it, and when to find safeguards against it." 

After addressing "The Three Burning Questions of the Digital Era:"

• Where Are We Heading?
• Would We Be Better Without Tech?
• What Will Happiness Look Like?, 

she discusses "Five Modern Strategies for Balancing Productivity and Well-Being in the Digital Era:" 

1. Stay Grounded - to focus your energy and productivity
2. Know Thyself - through app-driven data to strive toward your potential
3. Train Your Brain - to develop and sustain an optimistic mindset
4. Create a Habitat for Happiness - to maximize the spaces where you live, work and learn
5. Be a Conscious Innovator - to help make the world a better place.

Holding the hardcover book, I realized that many of the people who should be reading it probably don't deal with such low tech and would have to get an e-book or an app for their device. No worries, Blankson suggests plenty of apps to put you on the road to happiness, and the book is a quick and interesting read.

The latest title comes from Mosaica Press: The Future of Happiness (2019), which invites the reader to "discover how to bring happiness to our homes -- and ourselves."  It is authored by Rebbetzin Faige Twerski. It is obvious why she attracts such a cult of personality. She is warm and wise. She speaks of the glory of Hassidic dynasties and of making one's relationship with her husband a priority.

This is the latest collection of articles the Rebbetzin wrote for her weekly column in Ami Magazine. She says there are three primary relationships that bring us happiness: between me and the Almighty; between me and my soul; and between me and others. In this sense, her life experience supports Csikszentmihalyi scientific findings that a person with a larger scope of relationships and commitments will be happier. Rebbetzin Twerski asserts that "the future of happiness, as I see it, will be a world stripped of the many illusions that divide us and distance us from one another. It will be a world where we can drop the many masks we wear and be real people, free of the barriers, agendas, and aimless pursuits that separate us and deprive us of the recognition that we are truly one." Her previous published pieces are organized under several headings, including "Easy versus Happy," "Happiness versus Control," and "Positive Attitude." The reader will enjoy anecdotes about people whom the Rebbetzin met or counseled, as well as stories about her family and friends. Extremely Torah-based with lots of quotes from Psalms and famous rabbis, Rebbetzin Twerski's faith and tradition are obvious, but the distillation of these qualities into common sense and practicality for the common reader are quite impressive. Although not a big fan of collections of advice columns, these are some gems: "We, who are the bearers of a Divine neshamah (soul) and given the power of bechirah (free choice), the ability to will our lives, are charged to rise above the past and move confidently to the future, to claim our full, holy potential and personal destiny. Guilty feelings don't lead to happiness. By accepting accountability for our lives, and mistakes, we lay the foundations of true happiness." 

I met this Real Cat of Israel on the beautiful yishuv of Tekoa, hometown of the biblical prophet Amos, who prophesied about the future of happiness when "I will return the captivity of My people Israel, and they will rebuild desolate cities and settle them; they will plant vineyards and drink their wine; they will cultivate gardens and eat their fruits. I will plant them upon their land and they will never again be uprooted from their land that I have given them, said the Lord, your God" (Amos 9:14-15).

Happy Reading!

2017 JWWS

Yes, it's that time of the year again. The jacarandas are in bloom in my neighborhood;

it's almost Lag B'Omer,

and I had an uplifting and informative day at the Jerusalem Women Writers' Seminar (JWWS). So what words of wisdom and inspiration were bestowed by the speakers?

Rebbetzin Sara Meisels (the Bobover Rebbetzin) opened the day with a dvar Torah and reminded the packed hall that writers inspire and influence their readers. That is their gift from Hashem. If you are given that gift, you must use it to the benefit of Klal Yisrael (the Jewish community).

Jonathan Rosenblum is a regular columnist for many Jewish publications. As the lone male speaker, he felt a little pressure, but he spoke about the ability of writers to connect to others. He reminded the group to develop a thick skin, to seek constructive criticism, and not to be obsessed with the money aspect of the craft.

Esther Heller, editorial director of Menucha Publishers, spoke about "Writing Great Leads." There are many types of leads -- narrative, questions, summary, etc., and seminar participants were able to practice writing them after a mock press conference.

Next were the Shapiros:
Sarah Shapiro spoke about "The Role of Jealousy in a Writer's Life," while Debbie Shapiro discussed "Keeping Your Privacy When Your Personal Life Is Public." After some amusing anecdotes and family stories, she talked about writing about her challenges with Parkinson's Disease. While she did not want to be defined by the disease, she concluded that it pays to talk about something personal sometimes. She has received phone calls of support and empathy; has helped people to understand what people with the disease go through, and started an organization, Tikvah for Parkinson, that provides knowledge, support and advocacy.

Avigail Sharer, aka Leah Gebber, spoke about "Tales as Old as Time." Looking at fairy tales, there are prevalent themes and prototypes that can be guides for writing fiction. So don't think of Jack and the Beanstalk, Cinderella and Snow White as children's stories. Think of them as stories about "Overcoming the Monster," an underdog or someone who goes from rags to riches, and a tale of rebirth, respectively.

After a very appetizing lunch, back again, those twins that epitomize "twinness:"

Miriam Zakon and Emmy Leah Zitter.

Miriam has been writing a weekly serial, Freefall, in Mishpacha Magazine. It takes place between 1939 and 1945 and is about World War II, but not the Holocaust. Emmy Leah, a professor of literature, provided a literary analysis of Miriam's work to help attendees improve their own writing.  

In a session entitled "Serial Murder," the sisters' lively banter covered the elements of a good story:

• Plot
• Conflict
• Characterization
• Symbols
• Metaphor.

Quote of the day: "Getting off topic that's on topic, we need good (well-written) Jewish books. They don't end with the wedding and "they lived happily ever after;" they continue through the marriage and life with all it joys and sorrows."

In the afternoon, two sets of workshops were offered. I attended Tzippora Price's "Writing with Passion and Purpose." Tzippora read two selections about childhood memories and then asked the group to write with both the voice of innocence and the voice of experience -- a memory from childhood with all the sensory details and looking back on it as an adult. Then we had to answer two questions: what is so special about this memory now? and what does it mean now that I couldn't have known then? Those brave enough to share wrote about childhood bullying and experiencing words that hurt.

Malka Schapps, aka Rachel Pomerantz, provided exercises in "Telling the Truth in Fiction." The task was to take a real interaction or event and turn it into fiction. Some stories need a little embellishing to entice readers, while other stories, even though true, are so crazy that no one would believe them.

I am the lucky winner of Rabbi Benjamin Yudin's new book, Gateways to Greatness (Mosaica Press, 2017). In it, Rabbi Yudin shares "gateways -- ideas, methods, teachings, and practical wisdom -- to become happier, better and more connected people." A fan of his weekly dvar Torah on Jewish radio, I can almost hear Rabbi Yudin's voice as I "have the privilege of reading about unlocking one's potential. 




Thanks to Stephanie Weiss for the ride home via "the beautiful way," aka the back way (not on Highway 1).

Thank you to Tamar Ansh and Esther Heller for organizing another great conference.

and Happy Reading!

2016 JWWS

Once again, Tamar Ansh and Esther Heller put together a packed day for the Jerusalem Women Writers' Seminar. Again, a beautiful relaxation corner sponsored by Menucha Publishers with those delicious little bite-sized pastries and an assortment of teas and coffee. Again, some nice swag from Israel Bookshop. What is amazing is that the program was filled with lively speakers and interesting information and very different from last year. After a Dvar Torah by Esther Leah Avner, an "experienced" author and educator, Shifrah Devorah Witt talked about "Making the Most Out of Your Writing Time!" Her suggestions are applicable to anyone who works at home: focus - no laundry, no checking Facebook (and then wasting an hour), setting boundaries with family.

Next were Yael Mermelstein, Sarah Shapiro and Shoshana Schwartz. While Yael suggested adding tags and beats, Shoshana suggested getting rid of the tags and the beats. Sarah Shapiro asked "Is There Such a Thing as Non-fiction?" Three different authors, three different styles, three different processes.


My favorite speaker of the day was Sherri Mandell, author of The Blessing of a Broken Heart, a 2004 National Jewish Book Award Winner. After reading this one, I felt like I knew her because she shared her most intimate thoughts and feelings after the murder of her son Koby and his friend Yosef Ish-Ran in 2001. Sherri discussed her new book The Road to Resilience (Toby Press, 2016) and how to apply the "Seven C's" to keep writing well.  A witty and engaging speaker, she described the "pavement" of Chase, Community, Choice, Creativity, Commemoration, Consecration, and Celebration.  These are all augmented by Curiosity. Through these steps, almost any journey, especially grief and writing, can become almost spiritual and expand you.

There was a Meet the Press Panel with questions and answers for those interested in submitting their work to the weekly Jewish magazines and newspapers.

For those who could not be there in person, these sessions were videotaped and are available (for a fee) through Torah Anytime.

Chana Levitan spoke about how she "accidentally wrote a best-selling book" (I Only Want to Get Married Once, Gefen (2010) and Grand Central Life and Style (2013)).

Over lunch, I got to talk with some of the "celebrities" of Orthodox Publishing: Yaffa Ganz, Libi Astaire and Chaya Baila Lieber.  I also had the pleasure of presenting Miriam Zakon with a certificate for her Sydney Taylor Notable Book, Floating Minyan of Pirates' Cove (Judaica Press, 1986). Yes, the book was recognized 30 years ago, but there was no internet and no cell phones, so Miriam was never notified about the honor. Our little ceremony also gave me a chance to look at Miriam Stark Zakon's extensive back list of books authored and/or edited. I'm hoping to be able to present some more certificates to Miriam (and Yaffa, Libi and Chaya Baila) in the next 30 years!

Between the topics and presenters it was hard to choose which workshops to attend. I learned a lot in Avigail Sharer's "Step Back in Time: How to Bring the Past to Life in Your Fiction." Sharer writes under the pen name Leah Gebber, and has many fans due to her articles and stories that are published in Mispacha Magazine - particularly Sisters Under Siege. Sharer handed out pictures of artifacts - coins, articles of clothing, etc., and asked the participants to think of five questions about the item. Then, we were asked to take one question and try to answer it. Much like "Ode to a Grecian Urn," a whole story can develop by looking at an object.

I picked up a very important book -- Healing from the Break (Menucha Publishers, 2016). While there are many volumes in your local Jewish bookstore about trying to repair a relationship or the laws (halacha) of divorce, there is nothing available that provides "stories, inspiration and guidance for anyone touched by divorce." Insightful and sensitive, the book looks at a challenging situation from many perspectives. Healing from the Break is the "frum divorce blog" and includes articles and resources.

As I left the seminar, I was blessed with that beautiful interplay of sun and clouds that seems to make Jerusalem glow.

2015 Jerusalem Women's Writers' Seminar

It was another beautiful day in the united and eternal capital of Israel as I attended the Jerusalem Women's Writers' Seminar. Once again, Tamar Ansh and Esther Heller did an amazing job in every way.  I love going to a "women's event" with the coordinating napkins and the little pastries in the relaxation corner sponsored by Menucha Publishers. I love me some swag, which at this gathering meant free magazines and a beautiful mug, healthy muffin and notepad from Israel Bookshop.

But obviously the best part of the day was the packed (and on time!) schedule of speakers and workshops throughout the day. I met some of my favorite authors and "celebrities" of the Orthodox publishing world:

Mrs. Yaffa Ganz, is a Sydney Taylor Body-of-Work Award Winner and author of the ever-charming Savta Simcha books, the Bina and Benny Holiday Series, and Mimmy and Simmy books. Her latest is a soon-to-be released book of poetry, but while you're waiting, adults should read  Cinnamon and Myrrh (Feldheim, 2013), a "delicious" collection of essays, while Bubbleglum Glue and Other Adventures with Dr. Emmanuel J. Mitzva (Feldheim 2014) is a great choice for kids.

Miriam Zakon is the acquisitions editor at Artscroll Publications.  She is also the author of the 1986 Sydney Taylor Notable Book The Floating Minyan of Pirate's Cove (Judaica Press, 1986).  Emmy Zitter, PhD, is the Chair of the English Department at Michlala Jerusalem College. They are also twin sisters who, with their other sister, Marcia Meth, write the monthly "Sister Schmooze" for Mispacha Magazine/Family First. Their excellent presentation "A Schmooze You Can Use: Turning Everyday Life into Good Writing" explained their process for coming up with topics for the column. Taking random words, the audience came up with different stories.  While the sisters discussed double meanings and metaphors they were informative and entertaining.  Their ending with "you've been a great audience" reminded me of how many comics end their stand-up routines because the sisters were so funny and engaging -- and encouraged writers to look for humor in situations.


Shout out to Libi Astaire, another Sydney Taylor Notable Book author.  Her charming Jewish Regency Mystery Series continues to grow, and my bookshelf (and Kindle) include The Disappearing Dowry, The Ruby Spy Ring, Tempest in the Tea Room, The Doppelganger's Dance, Too Many Coins, General Well'ngone in Love, and her most recent, The Moon Taker. Libi gave a workshop on self-publishing at the Seminar, but for those who did not attend, Libi's Is Self-Publishing for You? (self-published!) provides great suggestions. 

I met a sort-of, kind-of neighbor who has some great books to share.  Leah Chana Rubabshi starting out writing poetry.  Like KRS, she is "using her gift to uplift" and her rhyming children's books are very cute. A Kosher Fish Tale (Menucha Publishers, 2014) is about a boy and his father discovering all the kosher fish on a boating trip with the refrain "'Cause we know that they're not kosher if they don't have fins and scales." Librarian and teachers: use this book for rhyming, for "boy" stories, and definitely for Parshat Shemini, which details the laws of kashrut. Fins and Scales (Kar-Ben, 1992) is one of my all-time favorites, but Rubabshi's book is illustrated with vibrant colors by award-winning Israeli illustrator Nurit Yuval and has a nifty "Kosher Fish Key" at the end.

From the same author, The Hidden Artist (Hachai, 2014), introduces emunah (faith) to young readers. "With all this beauty, great and small, 'I wonder, Who's behind it all?" is the question a young boy ponders as he sees animals, plants and trees. A Rainbow World (Feldheim, 2014) is the story of a boy discovering the colors all around him.

Another sort-of, kind-of neighbor also authored an excellent book. Who Is Annie White (Fish)? by Judy Belsky (Menucha Publishers, 2014) is a question asked by the 14-year old titular character. Her parents are international engineers, and their current project has taken them to Micronesia. Annie decides to stay with her Aunt Becka, an artist who lives in the Catskill Mountains of New York State. Small-town life gets boring real fast for Annie.  But much like her world travels, when she meets Esty Krystal, she is intrigued by a new and interesting culture: Orthodox Judaism. Annie and Aunt Becka start to explore their own heritage and find relatives in Brooklyn, learn why their name was changed, and grow closer to each other and to Judaism.  I was finding the free verse a little overused in secular publishing, but I am happy to see that an Orthodox publisher took the bold step of using this format. Dr. Belsky, whose many hats include writer, artist, and psychologist, has obviously drawn on her knowledge to explore early teenage self-consciousness, family interactions, art, the Holocaust and anti-Semitism. Annie is often wise beyond her years, but this is chalked up to her world travels.  The free verse also highlighted some great imagery:  the mother of a large family who was "like a great ringmaster at a circus," and the thoughtfulness of the characters: "I could not turn the page onto the next chapter of my life when so many chapters were missing the story did not make sense."

Achrona, Achrona, Chaviva (saving the best for last), Rebbetzin Sara Meisels attended the event.  The Bobover Rebbetzin is an avid reader and book lover, but the Rebbetzin is the kind of woman whose strength of character and warm heart literally fills the room.  

Thank you again, Esther and Tamar for a day that left me feeling more connected, more informed, and uplifted.


A Deocat of J-Town: