Yehuda ben Nachman, z"l

Leiby, Leiby, Leiby! Please intercede for us. It has been a week since God’s will has been done, and I am still deeply affected by all the events. It was with tremendous sadness that I had to change my supplications for Yehuda ben Ita Esther to prayers for Yehuda ben Nachman z”l. Barach Dayan Haemes. I have to repeat it to myself frequently because nothing makes sense to me, and it never will.

I have gone through a myriad of emotions, particularly Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s 5 stages of grief:

I first I was in DENIAL. I could not believe something like this could happen in Boro Park to an innocent child, to a mother who wanted to give her child independence, to a community that prides itself on its safe streets.

I moved on to ANGER. How could this happen? Why aren’t the mentally ill given proper care? How crazy is this world that a boy cannot walk home in his neighborhood?

I think I passed BARGAINING. As I waited anxiously and the story unfolded, I wrote a check to a charity, I prayed fervently, I was exacting as I made blessings, and I hoped beyond hope for a happy outcome.

I then moved on to DEPRESSION. How can I live in a world like this? What is the point if things like this can happen?

It’s taken me a while to get to ACCEPTANCE. I guess the hardest thing is accepting God’s will and accepting that I can never understand God’s will. I am a mere mortal, and it will never make sense to me. For a while I could accept that God needed Leiby’s precious neshama with Him. I could accept that everything is predetermined, but that people are given free will. The hardest thing for me was accepting that Leiby’s mother would be in pain for so long, that she was so careful for his safety, planning the route to walk, practicing, meeting him halfway between camp and home, and facing the nightmare of all mothers: her son was not where they were supposed to meet.

I accept that the situation gave many people the opportunity to do their best – those who prayed, those who searched, those who comfort the family, those who did a Kiddush Hashem by showing non-Jews how the community united during a crisis, and the NYPD and other city agencies who did their utmost.
As your passing still haunts me, I know that the events have brought up a lot of fear for me. Am I afraid of losing something? Well, I’ve lost my innocence about the world; I’ve lost the idea that an Orthodox Jews could not commit a heinous crime. I’m also afraid for my nine-year-old son, who loves to ride his bicycle and revels in his independence to visit his friends in the neighborhood. How do I protect him without stifling his natural ebullience?

Am I afraid of not getting what I want? I was hoping the world was a nice place, so it scares me that things are not the way I would like them to be, and that I have no control to make them that way.

Am I afraid of being found out? I think every mother worries about her children in many ways and wonders if they are “good enough.” I let my son go out thinking I am helping him to grow, but what if I am leaving him vulnerable? It’s a very hard balance.

As the media crawls all over this, suggestions are made to give kids special cell phones to call their parents, to mount surveillance cameras all over the city, to give kids tracking chips so parents so where they are.

But no one is talking about improving the mental health system. No one is talking about reporting bizarre behavior immediately or at least talking to clergy about the situation. No one is mentioning how to get people the care and medication they need, or breaking the stigma involved in using these resources.

As we enter the three weeks, I naturally feel sad for what we have lost – the Beis Hamikdash, the Biblical land of Israel, the unity of the Jewish people. I feel sadder that the consequences of these losses are so evident today. So Yehuda ben Nachman, please intercede for those who have to live in a world without you.

Being Mirka

Hereville: How Mirka Got Her Sword is the 2011 Sydney Taylor Book Award Winner for Older Readers. Barry Deutsch’s graphic novel is the first book in this genre to win the award. What is it about? “Yet Another Troll-Fighting 11-Year-Old Orthodox Jewish Girl. “ Mirka Hirschberg is constantly bombarded with other people’s expectations. Her stepmother, Fruma, insists that she learn how to knit. Her sisters chide her that she will never learn to be a wife and mother. But Mirka has big dreams: she wants to fight dragons. I will not spoil the ending of this great story, but let’s just say Mirka has become one of my role models. I’ve commented before about how much I love this book and how it is an example of “Toras Imecha”—the influence a mother has on her household in both obvious and subtle ways. So while Mirka was learning how to knit, she was also learning other valuable skills.
As an Orthodox Jewish woman, I’ve been presented with role models like the Biblical matriarchs and prophetesses. Every Friday night the “woman of valor” is praised for her qualities, most of which relate to her husband, family, and running the household. And we are constantly reminded to adhere to the attribute of tzinus – modesty in dress, speech, and action. “But the king’s daughter is all glorious within” (Psalm 45, verse 14) is the constant refrain, encouraging Jewish girls and women to look within, both themselves and their households to find fulfillment.
Without giving a dvar Torah, I find the concept of temimus more compelling. This is drawn from a shiur entitled “Aishes Chayil” that was given by Rav Moshe Weinberger, Morah D’Asrah of Congregation Aish Kodesh in Woodmere, New York. He talks about Sarah Imeinu, the matriarch of the Jewish people, who is known for the quality of temimus. It can be defined as wholeness, perfection, completeness, innocence, being unblemished, but Rav Weinberger draws out that Sarah had conquered the struggle of Jewish women: to be able to be in the world at large and never lose the connection to her inner self. This, too, is Mirka’s struggle. While those around her encourage her to be quiet, to master domestic skills, to stay inside and knit, she wants to go out and conquer the world. So while in the “real world,” it is unlikely an Orthodox girl would want a sword, in the world of graphic novels, it translates to struggles and metaphors on many levels.

I had attended the New York Comic Con in October of 2010. I had thought I was a pretty big nerd, until I went there. So many people were dressed as their favorite characters, and the fans of comic books, graphic novels and science fiction are hard core.

I decided Mirka would be the perfect costume for Purim, although my family does not like me to leave the house in costume. I had a black jumper, and I was able to get a black braided wig online. I picked up my sword at Dollar Tree.
When the Association of Jewish Libraries convention rolled around in June, and I heard Barry Deutsch would be presenting, I thought it was time for Mirka to make her appearance. The one thing missing was that I did not know how to knit. In this endeavor, I had a “Mirka-esque” victory. I am left-handed. Growing up, my mother could not figure out how to switch hands, nor did she have the patience to teach me. I figured I would never learn. Then I saw some knitting books in the craft store. I tried to teach myself left-handed knitting, but it didn’t work. I was determined. I found another book, which had a tip for left-handed knitters: the needles and stitching are going to be awkward at first anyway, so just learn how to knit right-handed (Did Mirka write these instructions?). So, I started, and with a little help from super-librarian and expert knitter Sherry Wasserman, I was able to start a scarf and keep going.
What was it like to be Mirka? I was a little nervous. I walked into Barry Deutsch’s session, and I sat next to Barbara Krasner, who had graciously saved me a seat. After I sat down, the lady on the other side of me got up and starting taking pictures. I wondered why she was doing this, because I had no idea who she was. I later met a friend. She told me she was in the back of the room and did not recognize me. She thought I was Barry Deutsch’s sister because of the black hair and the fact that I was sitting next to his MOTHER. So, I’m kind of glad Mrs. Deutsch took my picture. I later sat next to Barry as he was signing autographs, and it was really fun.
Later that night at the awards banquet, I was seated next to Barry and his mom. I walked in late, and they were wondering whether I would be me or Mirka. If I knew I was going to be sitting with them, I might have come as Mirka.
The feedback from my colleagues was positive (I guess those with negative feedback kept it to themselves). They saw a different side of me. Even one who did not like the book thought it was a great idea and is hoping for more cosplay at the AJL convention, possibly a session or meal where everyone dresses as their favorite character from a Jewish book (Tanach included!).

While Mirka knits, she dreams of a sword. While I do the laundry, I dream of the bigdei Kahuna. While I cook for Shabbat, I invoke “L’chvod Shabbos Kodesh (in honor of the holy Sabbath)” to give the food an extra special taste. When I am kind to strangers, I’m hoping I’ve met Elijah the Prophet, who heralds the coming of the Messiah. And when I knit, I think of Mirka. I wish every girl in Bais Yaacov could read this book. It's not about being an Orthodox girl. It's about an Orthodox girl who is brave, who balances family life and traditions with her personal aspirations, and who dreams big.

So I am grateful to Barry Deutsch and Mirka for showing me that an orthodox girl can be smart, funny, resourceful, a good knitter, and a troll fighter!

Loud and Quiet

When I saw The Quiet Book, I loved it immediately. I thought the metaphors were pitch perfect, and I felt like I knew exactly what author Deborah Underwood was trying to convey with different kinds of quiet like "lollipop quiet" and "first snowfall quiet." I thought this would make a great book for storytime with younger kids and would work for language arts as older kids thought of different types of quiet.

Then I saw The Loud Book. Renata Liwska's illustrations of animals are absolutely adorable, and they enhance and amplify the text. This one is also great for storytime, either at the beginning to get kids enthused, or near the end to reignite the energy. It would also work for language arts and finding different kinds of loud. As I sit here on the Fourth of July, I can appreciate "fireworks loud," but I'm not sure younger readers will fully appreciate "alarm clock loud." "Good crash loud" in bowling is juxtaposed with "Bad crash loud" coming from the kitchen, followed by "Deafening silence loud." This one may have to be explained.

I thought of what to say about these books, and it seemed that The Quiet Book was so much better than The Loud Book. As I sat comparing and contrasting, it dawned on me how brilliant both books are. I am a quiet person. I revel in the quiet. I notice the nuances of quiet and appreciate them. Loud to me is just loud. It is so discordant that I do not hear anything but loud. When I got to the last page of The Loud Book - "Crickets loud," I had the "Aha Moment." Yes, when I am trying to sleep crickets sound awfully loud because they are disturbing the quiet of the night.

So now I see there are many more situations to use these books, either alone or together. What do kids prefer and why? It seems sometimes loud can be embarrassing or disruptive, but there are times, like a parade or bowling, when it's fun and exciting.

And the Jewish mother in me recalls the stories of the rabbis: A husband would come home at night and complain to his wife that the house was a mess, the kids were noisy, etc. They went to speak to their rabbi, who told the husband: "Do you know how many people are praying to have a messy, noisy house like you have? Be grateful you have lively, healthy children."

So thank you, I've learned the value of both quiet and loud.

How Convenient!

Photograph by Sam Peltz

On a miserable day when the precipitation was labeled a “wintry mix,” there was a bright spot. I spoke with Margie Gelbwasser, the author of Inconvenient, which is a 2011 Sydney Taylor Notable Book for Teens. Her debut fictional novel takes place in a town based on some Northern New Jersey suburbs, so it was interesting to read about places with which I am familiar.

Inconvenient is the story of Alyssa Bondar, whose family emigrated from Russia when she was four. A somewhat typical high school girl, Alyssa runs cross-country, is interested in her fellow runner Keith, and has a best friend with social aspirations to be part of the “in crowd.” Alyssa faces some typical teenage challenges and some not so typical challenges (no spoilers, so please read the book). The Jewish content is definitely there, but Margie’s skill and Alyssa’s voice pick up universal themes of appreciating one’s heritage while trying to fit in to American society.

LILAL: Is this your first book?

MG: Yes, this is my first work of fiction. I’ve written a lot of non-fiction articles for magazines including Ladies Home Journal and Self, as well as a local monthly for parents – The Parent Paper.

LILAL: What was your inspiration?

MG: The book started as a master’s thesis that was 350 pages long and wasn’t quite working. I wanted to tell a story from the Russian/Jewish angle, how it makes you different, but also the comfort of the cultural connection with others. At first Alyssa was named "Gabby," and the character developed as I wrote. I used many elements of the culture, including the abundant alcohol and the expectation of parents that their children would achieve and be strong when faced with problems.

LILAL: Is there anything based on real life?

MG: I moved to New Jersey when I was eight, and I did live in Brooklyn before that. My father is an engineer, but my father is nothing like the father in the book. I went to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon and talked with families in order to accurately portray an alcoholic and the effect of alcoholism on the entire family.

LILAL: Is Alyssa based on a specific person?

MG: No, her voice came to me and developed as I was writing the story. She started out more confused, but she developed into someone with an innocent quality that had an inner strength and could be a little sarcastic. Actually Keith, her male interest, is based on several boys I knew in high school.

LILAL: What are some of your favorite books?

MG: I loved The Book Thief, and I’ve enjoyed books by David Levithan and Rachel Cohn. I’ve also read a lot from what I call “the two Normas:” Norma Klein and Norma Fox Mazur.

LILAL: Do you have a favorite Jewish holiday?

MG: I like Rosh Hashanah because my whole family gathers together, and I like to hear the blowing of the shofar. I also enjoy Hanukkah, especially now that my son is old enough to participate and get excited.

LILAL: Are you working on anything right now?

MG: I have another YA book coming out in March 2012 that does not have Jewish content. It’s entitled Pieces of Us, and it’s about four different teens and their relationships. I’m working on a middle grade novel that should appeal to boys.

I also participate in a panel with fellow authors Sara Darer Littman, Jenny Meyerhoff, Nora Raleigh Baskin, and Laura Toffler-Corrie, “Beyond Pogroms and Matzo: Jewish Books for Teens and Tweens in a Secular World.” We talk about the evolution of Jewish characters in contemporary kid lit and how Jewish identity impacts the characters. We’re looking at what a Jewish character is when the story does not revolve around the Holocaust or anti-Semitism.

LILAL: Thank you so much for your time.

So Much for Sandwiches

I took my kids to the pediatrician yesterday, and DS got bad news - he needs to lose weight and exercise. I'm trying to approach this as a "modern parent" and try to keep a balance between cutting out the junk food and not totally crushing his self-esteem or tying it to an unrealistic body image.



So while combing through my email inbox, I came across an article about "Six Kid-Friendly Sandwiches," which is on the http://www.parenting.com/ website. My kids are not big fans of sandwiches in the first place, but these would not even rate as distance acquaintances:



1. Extra-Special Grilled Cheese Toasts with Tomato. You would think they would like this because they love pizza, and it has the same basic ingredients. But this is reminiscent of the saying "like chalk and cheese:" two things that are superficially alike, but which are in fact totally different. The idea of an actual fresh tomato is not as appetizing as jarred tomato sauce that will probably last forever.




2. Cheesy Cinnamon Toast - another one that in theory should work because it would taste like a cheese danish, but again, cheese can only be on pizza, not mixed with anything else, and only accompanied by savory, not sweet spices.







3. Cheesy Quesadillas with Avocado. I, myself, am of the school that cheese tastes good on almost everything. In fact, it is the only way I can eat brussel sprouts. The only way my kids will eat avocado is in guacamole. I was thinking of spreading the guacamole on the tortillas, but they do not like green things with cheese.







4. Pan Fried Peanut Butter and Jelly - Okay, the pan frying is definitely out of the question, but I was looking for stuff for school, and there are no nuts allowed.







5. Super crunchy peanut butter and bananas. See #4.







6. Chicken nuggets with Honey-Lemon Dipping Sauce. My kids are suspicious of these because I thought kids would eat anything that was fried and dipped in batter, so I tried to feed them fish nuggets and soy nuggets, and now they won't eat any nuggets at all. The only sauce-like thing they will put on food is ketchup.




Is it just my kids, or is everyone challenged?

Back to Normal?!

You know what they say about good intentions. I started blogging. I even got some incentives in the form of an Amazon.com gift certificate. But life happens, and I have not posted in some time. Part of my challenge was posting pictures and formatting my posts, so a friend (Thank you, Heidi) suggested I try this platform.

So what has happened? The summer went by much too quickly. I resolved my issues with one set of my mother's lawyers. I did some reading, though nothing too memorable. I am looking at the huge pile of books submitted to the Sydney Taylor Book Award Committee, and I can hardly believe that I kept up with the reading and reviewing for four years. I read all of the illustrated books, and if I can manage, I will be posting my thoughts.

Taslich at Turtle Rock was not one of my favorites. I am not a fan of inventing your own rituals, and this challenged me on two levels. One, the family was doing things on Rosh Hashana that usually aren't done (hiking, writing, erasing). Second, the Tashlich ritual and liturgy and so beautiful and meaningful, that by delving into the actual ceremony, the family could have found something worthwhile without making up their own stuff.

I have to admit that while I did create my own ritual, I have found a way to make it more meaningful for myself. The point is to "cast your sins about the water," and hopefully do better in the coming year. I avoided the social scene of the local crowd in town, and took a day during the week to go to a beautiful, quiet spot, where the water flows down waterfalls. I had the time to say the prayers with real intention, and these lines stood out:

"Grant us the privilage of being divorced from arrogance, anger, irritability and every kind of conceit." "May we eat only to satisfy our souls." "Grant us the privilege of being joyful with regard to Your Torah and Your commandments. May our trust be placed in You always and may we have a heart gladdened by Your serivce. " "Grant us success and achievement in all our studies and in our every handiwork and undertaking. May our homes be full of God's blessing, may our bread satisy us and may we be good."


Now that the Jewish holidays are over and the kids have a somewhat normal school schedule, I am trying to organize the house. Sometimes it can be daunting, but I am slowly making progress. Today's tasks: sew pillowcases, post old electric trains on Ebay, and catch up on some reading.

Going to See Attle!

If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? This philosophical riddle raises questions regarding observation and reality (Thank you, Wikipedia). Can something exist without being perceived? I think about this as I write my posts. I am sure that I am not the only one who blogs and wonders how many people are interested in what I have to say or even look at my blog.








Speaking of forests, this serene scene reminded me of Forks, Washington, logging capital of the world and the setting for the Twilight Saga. It's only three hours and thirteen minutes away from Seattle, where the 45th Annual Association of Jewish Libraries Convention will be taking place July 4th through July 7th, 2010. After viewing the trailer for Eclipse, which comes out June 30th, I think I will be bringing my garlic necklace with me! I think I will be very happy staying at the beautiful Fairmont Olympic Hotel and drinking my coffee.



Besides my addiction to coffee, I'm also addicted to Amazon.com. Heidi Estrin has become my co-dependent by offering $10 gift certificates for a "convention mention." So here it is: go to http://jewishlibraries.org/blog/?p=273 and read about Wendy Marcus, the music director at Temple Beth Am. This multi-talented lady will serve as emcee for a musical program on Sunday, and give a presentation on Tuesday about Drash, the literary journal of which she is editor. (I was going to say "give a presentation about Drash, the literary jouranl of which she is editor on Tuesday, but she's editor all the time!).



One more interesting tidbit in relation to my upcoming trip to Seattle: Yahoo recently did a bizarre thing with their weather application for the iPod. They split Jerusalem, so you had to choose whether you wanted the weather from West Jerusalem or East Jerusalem. I don't see that the weather would be that much different, so it was obviously a political decision. So many people complained, that they restored the listing to one Jerusalem - the undivided eternal capital of the Jewish State of Israel. Anyway, the weather in Jerusalem is.....sunny and hot for the rest of the week. The weather in Seattle alternates from partly cloudy to mostly cloudy to few showers to showers with temperatures in the high 60's to low 70's. This will pose a challenge with the sheitl, but I think I am up to it. I will wear my raincoat to get my coffee!